New year but I don’t feel new…I feel…

Sunday, January 1, 2012

In the weeks before NYE, I was bent on finding a house party, full of familiar and unfamiliar individuals to celebrate with. I envisioned thought-provoking discussions, laughter and dancing. Go out to a nightclub?—pfft! No. I didn’t want to miss out on the quiet storm that rushes in right before midnight: where I’d find myself reflecting, intensely on the end of another year.

I didn’t know where I was going to find this house-party or who to ask but somehow I felt that my NYE’s experience would be beautiful. But in regards to the house-party, I realize now that those are the product of some work, some luck and a little divine intervention where all your friends are in the same state or can travel. By the time NYE rolled around and I would have to throw the house party myself, I found that most of my dear friends were spread out all across the globe, the country or working.

So, what did I end up doing for NYE?

I went to a night club in Atlanta. It was planned to be me, a close-friend from undergrad plus her crew who’d traveled in. I arrived earlier and gotten inside but by 11:54, the others were still in line. Concerned that they would not make it in before midnight, I went to the door where I happily met my friend just as she and the girls were entering. We squealed and quickly made our way into the cheering, dancing crowd, watching the Peach drop in downtown on the big screen.

Then, the countdown… 10… 9… 8… 7… and at last midnight; amongst the HAPPY NEW YEAR shout, kisses and screams, tears filled my eyes and in a flash, swept faces and events from 2011.  As I observed within myself as well as my surroundings, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. Over. Whelming. I danced with the girls for a bit but then I simply had to sit down, so I made my way to the reggae room, sat and closed my eyes, letting the vibes roll through me. At some point, I’m pretty sure I fell asleep. Mind you, I hadn’t had more than a glass of wine for the night! This is just how calm I felt. Don’t judge me!

I have to reflect back, at this point on how prior, I’d put a lot of thought about how I was going to make my New Year’s Eve something “special”. Thoughts like  “Oh, I should be at a house party!” or “Oh, I should be with a special someone!” or “I should be on a beach…” Notice the trend of I should be… Well when I just went with the flow (i.e. text message, the night before) and thoroughly placed myself in every moment of it, the entire night just seemed to flow.

In 2011 I put so much energy worrying about the outcomes of events instead of simply enjoying, simply flowing with life. Honestly, I’d probably been that way for most of my life but the consequences of doing so finally hit me, so hard that I reached an almost breaking point. I had to wake up… I had to change. I’d lost touch with a being whose presence tended to light up the darkness. Whose smile, laughter and thoughts synced with what brought my spirit joy. I won’t say I blame myself entirely for it; it’s a two-way street, but the toll that the loss would take on me would have been… enough about that—

Basically, I liked to control things and worry. So now, I focus my energies on controlling what I can and through this change I’ve gotten closer to peace. Why? Because… Things are constantly out of our control. And in my (breaking) heart, I believed that if I didn’t learn this lesson soon, my life would be a continuous tide of high stress with low to no return. So for that peace within, I fought. I expanded my mind and extended the realm of my spiritual body. I started at the level of thought and aimed my intentions at the “big picture”.

This process began roughly three months ago and in the beginning, every day felt like an uphill battle, with a 60lb weight strapped to my heart and a semi-lock on my mind. I find that the edge wears off over time…

So at midnight, January 1st, 2012, when the first thoughts that were coming to my mind were those of prosperity, a purpose-oriented life, and of love… all enveloped in peace… it was like finally, after praying for so long, with no clear vision of how… I felt peace. I realized peace. Within.

They say that when you start the New Year with your love, they will be with you all year… well, since I started the new year with peace, I will maintain. And to bolster the new-found power, I include a prayer (and a plan!) for courage and resilience.

 

Maybe my NYE story wasn’t as exciting as yours… maybe it doesn’t make much sense? But know that for 2012, I will happily and peacefully ;) show you the results of it through all of my endeavors for this grand year.

 

Peace, best wishes and many blessings to you and yours in 2012. I hope you live and learn in love – for the benefit of yourself and the world, our community.

 

One love.

 

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I need to keep myself busy to increase my patience.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Surely that’s not an oxymoron… :)

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Ponderment & Speculation: The possible backfire of “fear tactics” in children’s up-bringing

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Let me start out by saying that I am no doctor, psychologist, or licensed in any way. While this post is not intended to give advice I wanted to make the aforementioned known to re-iterate that my blog and most its posts merely revolve around speculation. Random posts encompassed by random thoughts. So, you aren’t reading this because you want advice… you just want to take a mini-trip through the thought processes of someone else’s mind.

That said, my theory on using fear to steer children toward a disciplined path– and a way that it can back-fire.

If a child is brought up in a home where the parent(s) use fear to get the child to listen and act on what the parent wants, could this child grow into an adult that does not listen to or believe in facts or any form of information unless an element of fear (scare?) tactics is involved? Fear can be equated to adrenaline or any type of accelerated, charged feeling. And this feeling needs to be in place before belief sets in or action takes place. Other than leading to gross procrastination, this can also result in waiting until its too late (if not almost too late) to stop a disruptive behavior (e.g. an addiction, one that can be stopped with will power instead of therapy or medication). In medicine it seems that no one should wait until  there are symptoms to report to stop a negative health behavior (e.g. don’t wait until you can no longer see your toes before you decide “it’s time to lose weight”).

This sort of “child growing into an adult” reaction would only take place in a certain subset of children, with certain neurological pathways. But the impact that it would have on their adult lives: choice of “thrills”, when they decide to take action, what they believe in (i.e. religion or no), what they take seriously… would all be affected.

In summary, life seems to favor the pro-active. Not those that wait until something scares them into action (e.g. waiting until the LAST day to complete an assignment).

It sounds and looks a lot like procrastination, but really its more of a missing link between seeing the inherent benefits of working through and completing a task stepwise and in advance vs. doing it with elevated adrenaline levels.

 

*shrug* Sound too far fetched? Oh, and I promise every post won’t deal with fear ;] Though it is one powerful emotion.

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New Twittah = ImSoIsolee

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Story behind the twitter name, its my (accidental at first) made up lyrics for a particular hip hop song. My bf knows the side-story…but I’ve been wondering if anyone else will get it?

And I don’t know who Isolée is, as an artist. Not yet anyway. I like how this name rolls off the tongue… should I give a prize or something for who can guess the name of the song & artist that inspired the joke behind this twitter name? haha

I most certainly changed it back. It’s from the song that goes “I’m so out your league…” where I thought he was saying “I’m so isoleeeee” for entirely too long and it just sort of stuck. When it comes on in the club, I still sing “I’m so isoooleeee…I’m so iso iso leee…” haha. Yes, I do well in entertaining myself. But that joke was cute as a twitter name for about 12 hours and now I’m back to the sugary molasses of a twitter name that I had before :) .

Good times lol

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We’ve got to make a decision sometime, right? Oh, I mean– RIGHT!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

There might be numerous psychological reasons for why making decisions would be difficult for many individuals around the world. For the purpose of this short and somewhat introductory (whaaat? another intro chick? yes.) blog post, lets muse over the aspect of decision making that deals with fear.

And that within itself can be quite general because we’d have to ask, fear of what? Consequences mainly~ the good, the bad, and plain ole unexpected. That category is more than enough to ponder over when working out inner frustrations; especially if/when you find your life, project, progress, whatever at a standstill.

So, lets bring this back around, fear, in BIG BOLD BLACK (or red, or pink, or green) letters can make you take longer to make a decision or remain on the fence. It’s natural…and in mentioning that it’s natural, we can take a deep breath and not feel abnormal. Not think its a defect or an end-all.

Recently, I’ve tried taking (many) deep breaths and just making decisions. Sometimes it’s as if there are hundreds of possible choices  and other times there’s the choice that just feels like the better idea than the 1 or other 2 options available. All in all, I am fighting myself so charge ahead more and be proactive. And through fueling that type of life energy, I’ve had to make a series of decisions (with good and bad timing) with the understanding that whatever the (measured) consequences, I will just have to trust myself to be able to handle it.

These decisions have (& will) come in different sized, colored, and shaped packages; they roll out in different questions:  ”do I go for that run now?” “grad school now, soon or never?”  ”do I choose ____ as my career path?” “do i bring back blog.crunkin.com?”

And I’m happy to say that, even though I am in the beginning stages, I am enjoying the momentum that educated, confident decision-making has given. I find that making the decision is more than just saying yes or no. Its the entire thinking process surrounding the issue. Its allowing my brain to synapse and act as a kind of memory foam paving my path as my life moves forward.

And so here’s to me, my loved ones, the lost ones… everyone! May we work to think. and make those “tough” decisions ( and may the decisions we make get better with time!).

 

For the record, I decided on a layout. Haha…took long enough. *rolls eyes*

Thanks for reading! :]

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A State of Contemplation…Career Contemplation

Monday, October 11, 2010

Introduction : I struggled to keep this post going along one direction. It lacks so many details and there were so many topics to branch off. It took almost 3 hours to type what I have here. But I enjoyed the introspection and emotional archiving that it afforded me. This post, like many aspects of life, just shows how much of whats around us is is really just a work in progress.

Two weeks after receiving my undergraduate degree (Go Tigers!), I was a whirlwind of career research activity. I meditated often about where I saw myself in 10 years and considered my talents. I researched becoming a: Nurse Practitioner, (going into) Nurse Informatics, Pharmacist, Pediatrician, (getting a) Master of Public Health (MPH), Doctor of Public Health (DPH), or Programmer.

Two months after receiving my degree, I took strides along the path towards a few of the previously listed career paths that were closely related.

Four months after receiving my 1st degree, I enrolled in courses at a local university to strengthen future applications to healthcare related career paths. I took anatomy physiology I and microbiology.

Now, nearly five months later, I am more in a state of ‘career contemplation’ than ‘determination’. The time has been full– so many mini-life lessons have been extended to my conscious & subconscious on a daily basis. Details surrounding those lessons deserve a post all their own…( foreshadowing?) But they’ve made the time a mixture of joy & internal struggle.

Even with all the researching related to how to achieve and follow a particular career path, I am coming to terms with some fundamental principles & feelings which should be in place within to fuel my moving forward. So far, confidence appears to me to be the biggest determinant of success. This confidence is set apart from the ego, what the world outside thinks and feels about you. It is a component of your mind, heart, soul, and logic. It is a part of life that you govern and manipulate about yourself. It is one of the best foundations to lay because of how much there is in life that we cannot control. In essence, I am talking about how you think and feel about you.

This isn’t as obvious as it should be. So many images of who-to-be, how-to-be, where-to-be based on a definition of the “good life” made to support the masses instead of the individual are thrust in faces constantly by mainstream media. This makes finding a true fit somewhat difficult. Some are lucky . Their confidence is innate & they embraced it at an early age. Or, was nurtured from a young age by guardians. Others must nurture and develop in-spite of; not all are permanently at a disadvantage. They just walk a vastly different path take steps that must be sought out on their own with some personal flare. In general, I refer to this aspect as a larger part of my center.

One of the largest hurdles in selecting a career lies in the confidence within you to overcome & achieve whatever you find in the path of progression. As I said before, confidence is that foundation.

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Pride. A beautiful thing. A powerful thing. A double-edged blade.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Pride is a powerful thing.

Pride is a powerfully relevant thing.

Pride is a hilariously powerful.

Its rules & regulations stem from the soul.

Its do’s and don’t resonate from the intellect.

For some, its power reigns from the heart & intuition.

But still at the end of the day, the hardest lesson to swallow is that pride is relevant.

Just that. Relevant to the time, the place, the situation, and the desired outcome.

So letting it creep up and sink you into a spot that’s lower than where you are, is the most painful thing to look back on of them all. And that’s only if you ever even make it to the point of stopping & re-thinking.

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There’s something about having a room with a view…

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I dedicated (& am still dedicating) most of my day to unpacking and organizing and every time I take a pause and look at the desk, I get an instant amount of tranquility from the window view.
In the last place I lived, the neighborhood was neat & tidy, the neighbors kept to themselves so it was cool. But the view from every window included houses, roads, or some sort of thing with human involvement (might be an odd way to phrase that?).

Now when I look outside there’s just trees, butterflies, stinkbugs & assassin bugs on the window (googled!), baby deer timidly stepping into the backyard, and a skyline, allowing me a front-row view of the sunrise & my favorite: the sunset.
With how hectic my life has been and will get, even the short time I get to spend in front of a view such as this is calming, and settling.

I don’t think I’ve ever *lived* in a place whose outside environment allowed me to peer into nature and let the constant churning of my thoughts subside, just a little bit. Its definitely a nice thing to look up to from studying.

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Color Career Counselor

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I took a ‘Career Counselor’ test and here are the results:

——————-
Best Occupational Category
You’re a CREATOR


Keywords: Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional.
These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.


 CREATOR OCCUPATIONS

Suggested careers are:

  • Advertising Executive,
  • Architect
  • Web Designer
  • Creative Director
  • Public Relations
  • Fine or Commercial Artist
  • Interior Decorator
  • Lawyer
  • Librarian
  • Musician
  • Reporter
  • Art Teacher
  • Broadcaster
  • Technical Writer
  • English Teacher
  • Architect
  • Photographer
  • Medical Illustrator
  • Corporate Trainer
  • Author
  • Editor
  • Landscape Architect
  • Exhibit Builder
  • Package Designer

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature. Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.
——————————————–

I really like what I read up there. And it speaks to me. But it can also read like a generic message, with some key adjectives exchanged among the fillers. Much like an experiment a professor of one of my undergrad philosophy courses exposed our class to.

The gist of it was all the students (about 30 of us) received a sheet of paper containing our “horoscope”, based on their birthdays (or favorite colors… or names… something commonly perceived as “distinct” from one person to the next). After reading, we were asked to raise our hand if we felt our horoscopes, picked specifically for us, fit us perfectly, somewhat, or not at all. Well, no one said “Not at all”, mid-range said “somewhat” and the rest, a majority said “perfectly! this is me!”.

By the end we discovered that we’d all received sheets of paper with identical horoscopes written on them! Word for word! The trick of them was each “trait” or mode of action had either a very optimistic side that most people would be more likely accept as a trait possessed than deny (i.e. you make many friends…but you also like to be alone sometimes.) but balanced itself out by the end of the sentence. Basically, you either thought that you were great at making friends already but could admit that you liked to be alone or if you somewhat doubted that you made a lot of friends, the horoscope mentioning that you “also liked to spend some time alone” made you feel more as if you were balanced- like you make friends AND spend time alone and that’s okay.

Hopefully, I got these examples across well enough to illustrate that I’d like to hope that the Occupational Category is absolutely more suited to how my personality is vs. just being a run of the mill group of text sprinkled with “key adjectives”.

Hmmm… I think I’ll take this as a “do whatcha feel, do whatcha feel” issue myself. :]

I’m curious:  have you ever used a career counselor test (online or within a university career counseling center) to help you figure out your career niche(s)?

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